Navigating Marriage with an Extra Special Twist
Overcoming Challenges and Strengthening Bonds When Parenting a Child with a Disability
We will eventually encounter individuals with unique abilities and challenges in every community, workplace, school, or church.
The CDC reports that 1 in 4 adults in the United States have some form of disability. The most common chromosomal disorder is Trisomy 21, with about 1 in every 700 births a year. Other disability statistics are rare diseases, affecting 1 in 10, and autism, impacting 1 in 36.
Even with these statistics, we do not expect to be impacted by a disability in our unborn child’s life. At least it was not on my radar when I discovered I was pregnant with my secondborn in 2020.
During the pandemic, my little Noah was born and was immediately suspected of having Down Syndrome. He received a confirmed diagnosis weeks later. It was a very challenging time for us as we had to learn and navigate the new reality that came with his diagnosis.
My son’s Down syndrome diagnosis changed everything about my life, family, and marriage. It brought many amazing moments and opened our world to the unimaginable joy and blessing we never expected. We learned many lessons from our own experiences and our community.
Even as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I did not expect Noah’s Down Syndrome diagnosis to challenge our marriage as much as it did. Through community support and working hand in hand with my husband, I want to share three common challenges couples face in similar situations and discover three actionable changes that can fortify their marriage.
Challenge 1: Communication Breakdown:
One challenge couples face is communication. Schedules, therapies, and doctor appointments consumed their dialogue, and emotional conversations took a back seat. Rushed discussions often left unmet expectations, leading to a lack of intimacy. Communication breakdown can result in a buildup of unresolved conflicts and resentment, leaving a ripple effect of other complications.
Challenge 2: Managing Stress and Avoiding Burnout:
Balancing the demands of work, multiple children, and additional responsibilities is a feat. Stress can become overwhelming when compounded with therapies, doctor visits, insurance calls, and school IEP meetings. Unmanaged stress can lead to burnout, impacting patience, understanding, and communication within the marriage.
Challenge 3: Limited Time for Each Other:
Time, resources, and energy are often in short supply for couples raising children with special needs. Financial constraints, the struggle to find trustworthy babysitters, and sheer exhaustion can push essential aspects of a relationship—such as date nights, shared hobbies, and even sleeping together—to the sidelines.
Turning Challenges into Opportunities:
I don’t want to discourage anyone in a similar position as me. I aim to bring awareness to areas in our marriage that may impact communication, stress/self-care, and our time with our partner.
Once we are aware, we can begin to make small changes that impact our well-being and relationships more.
Here are three changes that can strengthen marriages facing similar challenges:
Change 1: Effective Communication:
Learning to communicate effectively is vital. Setting aside specific times to share thoughts, feelings, and needs can create a more connected and understanding partnership. Intentional, small gestures, such as eye contact and soft touches, make each other feel heard and loved.
Change 2: Self-Care for Stress Management:
Taking care of oneself is crucial. Putting yourself and your marriage on your to-do list is not selfish; it's necessary. Finding small moments for self-care during daily routines can be a game-changer. Similarly, ensuring both partners have time for personal pursuits and date nights contributes to stress management.
Change 3: Planned Quality Time:
Planning is essential for spending quality time together. Setting aside intentional moments, even during a hectic schedule, can make a significant difference. Starting small with in-home date nights and gradually increasing frequency allows couples to prioritize their relationship.
Marriage is undoubtedly challenging. The difficulties can intensify when faced with the unique demands of raising a child with special needs. By addressing communication breakdowns, managing stress, and prioritizing time together, couples can weather the storm and emerge stronger and more connected than ever.
What steps will you try this week to help strengthen your marriage?
