What Makes a Marriage Truly Christian?
In my counseling practice, about 75% of the couples who seek help identify as having a Christian marriage, and 25% do not.
The former will often speak of their deep involvement in a local church, supporting it financially and serving faithfully. Their relationship with God is central to who they are as persons. Yet, in the nitty-gritty interactions of their marriage, I privately wonder if there is much difference between them and their non-Christian counterparts.
Often, I observe that Christian couples are no kinder, more gracious, more loving, or more forgiving than those outside the faith. Hence, the disturbing statistics we have read show that Christian couples fare no better than the general population when it comes to marital satisfaction and longevity.
That said, I have observed Christian couples who truly integrate their faith into every nook and cranny of their marriage.
When they realize, perhaps in ignorance, that they have been hurting or disappointing their partners, they make changes to become “better lovers” for each other. They do this in obedience to God’s call upon their lives to love well.
I often think, with a bit of hyperbole, that the “final exam” of our faith is to love our spouses well. That’s because, sometimes, the most difficult person to love in the world is the one lying next to you in bed!
What follows is a prayer I have developed for Christian couples who truly want to put Christ first in their marriage. It is based on a beautiful passage from Colossians 3, and I call it the Colossians 3 Marriage Prayer. May it transform your marriage!
Colossians 3:12-14. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
What Makes a Marriage Truly Christian?
Consider filling in your spouse’s name in the spaces below, and meditate on these verses, reflecting on how to put them into practice daily.
Colossians 3 Marriage Prayer
Dear Jesus, clothe me with compassion towards (insert spouse’s name here), kindness towards (insert spouse’s name here), humility in my interactions with (insert spouse’s name here) , gentleness towards (insert spouse’s name here), and patience with (insert spouse’s name here). May I bear with (insert spouse’s name here) in (insert spouse’s name here) ‘s shortcomings. May I forgive (insert spouse’s name here) if I am carrying anything against (insert spouse’s name here), just as you have forgiven me. And above all, may I put on love for (insert spouse’s name here), which will bind us together in perfect unity.
About Stephen:
Stephen has many years of experience in marriage counseling and mentoring at a local church, where he is an elder. He has been with Light the Way since 2013, and helps couples rekindle the love that brought them together in the first place.