8 Ways You Can Better Manage Your Emotions…Starting Today
Our emotions are normal.
It is normal to feel frustration from waiting in a long line or feeling sad when a loved one dies. It’s normal to feel happy when we receive a compliment or angry when someone has hurt us.
Sometimes our emotions are intense.
We lose control. Sometimes we “blow our top” or “blow up.” At other points, we’ll cry hysterically and can’t stop. When we’re stuck in traffic, our frustration pours over into road rage.
In times like these, we need to be able to regulate our emotions.
Why do we lose control of our emotions?
As we learn to better manage our emotions, it’s important to understand why we lose control in the first place.
There are several reasons why we lose control of our emotions:
We’re triggered: One of the most common reasons is we’ve been triggered. One sign of being triggered is when our reaction is more than what is expected for the situation.
Here are some reasons why we are triggered:
A situation reminds us of a wound from our childhood which hasn’t healed. If we haven’t dealt with a wound from our past, it will show up in our present.
We feel powerless or hopeless.
We feel scared.
We misinterpret situations: Another common reason we lose control of our emotions is how we perceive, or interpret, the situation.
An event occurs but our interpretation of the event, or people, causes the situation to be severe, when it really isn’t.
We learned the behavior: Your parents may not have regulated their emotions well.
Why it’s important to learn to better regulate our emotions
Regulating our emotions has many benefits. Our relationships improve. We are calmer and more at peace as we better manage ourselves. We know to admit we were wrong and ask forgiveness when we go out of control.
Being able to control our emotions is part of emotional intelligence. Some people find it easier than others to control their emotions but we all can learn.
It is not socially acceptable to “blow your top” around others. If you are a leader and people are scared of you, you are not being a good leader.
It can hurt us physically. Our blood pressure rises and we can develop other physical ailments.
Hurts children’s brains. If you are a parent who yells frequently, please stop it. Studies show frequent yelling hurts an infant or a child’s brain.
Poor self-regulation of our emotions can lead to violence.
8 Things You Can Start Doing Today to Better Manage Your Emotions
Once we are more aware why we are feeling strong emotions and why it matters to self-regulate, it’s still important to know what to do to better manage ourselves. Look at the list below and look for one or two things to start doing today.
Know your emotions. Be aware of your emotions. Recognize what you are feeling and name them. Be specific in naming it, not just, “I feel bad”.
Own your emotions. Take responsibility for what you feel.
Slow down your reactions. When we feel intense emotions, we need to have space between how we feel in that moment and what we will do or say. Slow deep breathing, taking a time out, going for a walk or exercise, count to 10…or 100 are ways to slow down our emotions.
Know your triggers. Be aware of your triggers and work on reducing them and heal old wounds.
Know your physical reactions. Notice how your body is reacting. You can slow yourself down when you start feeling the intensity increase in your body.
Listen to your story. What are the attitudes, self-talk and thoughts you are telling yourself? Change the thinking and reframe the interpretations. Practice gratitude helps our perspective.
Make a choice how to respond. Our initial reactions may not be in our control but how we respond matters. How we handle our emotions is important.
Admit when you are wrong. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” say, “I was wrong for ________.” Fill in the blank.
Regulating our emotions isn’t easy but it’s worth it. When we regulate our emotions better, we have closer relationships. People will be drawn to us and feel safe. Old wounds can heal. You can learn to manage yourself well even in the face of the most difficult emotions. Try one or two of these ideas and start to notice the difference. You will feel calmer and more at peace with yourself and others. You will see situations differently and realize they are not the catastrophe you first thought. Enjoy life and relationships more.
Written by Cindy Picht, LPC, CEO
About Cindy:
Cindy is director and co-founder of Light the Way Counseling. She is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and a Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional. She combines her skills with compassion and encouragement to help people find hope and healing.