Shedding Light on Self-Harm: Understanding, Supporting, and Healing During Self-Harm Awareness Month
March is self-harm awareness month. The more we understand about self-harm, the more we can help ourselves and the more help we can offer to those we love who might be struggling.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm, which is clinically called non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is an intentional, non-suicidal behavior, that inflicts physical harm on one’s self in an attempt to relieve emotional distress. Simply put, it’s hurting yourself on purpose.
It’s important to note that while self-harm can look a lot of different ways including cutting, picking, burning, bruising, and scratching, it does not involve a conscious intent to die. Self-injury is separate and distinct from suicide. Suicide is an attempt to take one’s own life whereas self-injury is an attempt to deal with overwhelming emotions or to relieve tension.
Can self-harm be addictive?
While self-harm doesn’t involve using alcohol or other drugs, it does have addictive aspects. Research suggests self-harm is most closely related to behavioral addictions like gambling or compulsive buying. Those who self-harm often believe they can’t manage without it and find they need to increase the frequency and intensity of the self-harm behavior over time, which is characteristic of an addictive pattern.
Another reason self-harm may be addictive in nature is because the brain’s dopamine and opioid systems are involved during self-harm. The brain chemical, dopamine, is associated with feeling reward and when the opioid system is activated, we feel less stress and pain. So, people experience a very real sense of relief when they injure themselves. People will find instant release through the biochemical reaction taking place and end up confusing self-injury with comfort.
While self-harm does provide fast relief from intense emotional distress, the act of self-harming often leads to feelings of guilt and shame which can reinforce the desire to self-injure. This becomes a cycle in which people often get stuck.
Why do people do it?
The motivation to self-harm is different for everyone but typically, people self-harm because they don’t know how to express themselves in any other way. Some of the common reasons people self-harm include trying to reduce the intensity of uncomfortable emotions like sadness and loneliness, to stop feeling numb, to punish themselves, and to feel like they can control something.
Physical pain is often a distraction from emotional pain and physical pain is sometimes just easier to deal with. Self-injury is a way of using physical pain to say something that a person is unable or unwilling to put into words.
Do’s and don’ts if someone you know is self-injuring
Try your best not to freak out! It’s easy to react in fear, shock, and anger, especially when a parent finds out that their child is self-injuring. Our natural inclination is to protect our bodies so it can be really jarring to hear what a person might be doing to intentionally harm theirs. Confronting someone about their self-harm behavior is already emotionally charged, try to avoid adding additional intensity.
Don’t assume this is a phase that the person will outgrow or that they are self-injuring for attention. It’s a fairly common reaction to minimize this as a phase or bid for attention. Instead, try talking openly about it. If you are open, it makes it easier for others to be open too. Remember shame is a part of the self-injury cycle so if you can manage your own reaction by not being judgemental or overreacting, it’s going to be helpful. Acknowledge the severity of their distress, take them seriously, and let them know you see their pain, even if the problem seems trivial to you. Encourage them to verbalize their feelings.
Don’t assume that they are or aren’t thinking about suicide. Take it seriously and ask about suicidal ideation and other forms of self-injury. Be curious and don’t be afraid to ask direct questions like, “Have you also thought about killing yourself?”
Don’t make them promise to never self-harm again. Trying to control their behavior will just create a power struggle. You have to understand that when you ask a person to stop self-injuring, you are asking them to give up the thing that works for them. Instead, help them begin identifying alternative coping strategies to deal with their feelings. Focus on feelings and help them identify factors that may have led to self-injury.
Encourage them to seek professional help! Mental health professionals will help them understand what triggers their self-harm behavior and help them to learn new ways to cope with intense emotions.
While letting go of self-harm behaviors is very challenging, there is hope. Recovery is possible
and a safer, healthier future can be had.
About Jillian:
Jillian especially enjoys helping young women who have an unhealthy relationship with food to overcome unhealthy eating behaviors and feel at home in their own bodies. She believes that each person is unique and is served best by an individualized approach to helping them to achieving their goals. Jillian is available for Telehealth.