Your Marriage Built on Shared Dreams—Here’s How
Most couples sleep together, and that’s a good thing. Couples who truly thrive in their marriages also dream together.
One of the greatest speeches of all time began with these words: “I have a dream.” As Martin Luther King Jr. cast his vision of a nation where all people live together in harmony and equality, the phrase “I have a dream” was repeated throughout his speech. That speech energized millions to strive for a better America, and its impact lives to this day.
Do you and your life partner ever dream together? Do you have dreams that give your marriage energy, passion, and purpose?
Let me invite you into a conversation to help you do just that.
Find a quiet place to answer these questions together.
What personal accomplishments in your life are you most proud of?
The possibilities here are endless. Name three or four that stand out in the story of your life.
If not above then definitely here
What dreams have you pursued that your partner has supported?
Discuss these dreams and the sacrifices you both made to bring them to pass.
Most dreams require sacrifice and support from the other. Did you run a marathon? Who was at home watching the kids while you were training? Did you earn a college degree? What were the financial and time sacrifices to your partner?
Are you pursuing a dream right now? If so, discuss how you are supporting one another in pursuit of that dream.
Currently, my wife and I are taking lessons to improve our pickleball game. Now, as trivial as that may sound to the reader, it is meaningful to us, providing enjoyable shared activity, much conversation, as well as financial sacrifice….and, we hope to defeat a certain couple who will remain nameless!
What dreams are unfulfilled in your life, either as an individual or a couple? Try to narrow them down to one or two.
Is there a story from your past that makes achieving this dream important to you?
My brother was an accomplished theologian. Because of his influence, my wife dreamed of following the family legacy. In 2022, that dream came to pass as she graduated with a Doctor of Theology from the same seminary where my brother was a beloved professor! The sacrifice to achieve that goal was enormous for my wife and considerable for me. We pursued this dream together, and we would both agree that doing so strengthened our marriage.
Is there any way you could pursue this dream in the near future?
For years, my wife and I dreamed of running the Boston Marathon - ideally, together. For the uninitiated, a runner must qualify to run Boston by completing another marathon with a qualifying time, depending on age and gender. My wife qualified with ease. Me, not even close. On April 15, 2002, my wife’s dream came true. She asked me to run the last five miles with her, which I did (quite illegally). She claimed she couldn’t have finished without me. Just between you and me, I’m not so sure.
Are you ready and able to take the plunge?
Talk together about the sacrifices and potential joys of achieving your dream, and go for it!
Stephen Dorsey, MA, LMFT
Helping couples rekindle the love that brought them together in the first place. Stephen is available in Midland Park and telehealth.
