3 Manipulation Tactics and How To Respond
Dealing with people who engage in manipulative behavior can be extremely difficult. The interaction can leave you feeling guilty, angry, frustrated, and stuck. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being manipulated until after the fact!
Here are a few common manipulation tactics and how to respond to them appropriately and assertively.
A question disguised as a statement
Manipulation is all about remaining in control. Asking a question could mean a loss of control if the answer is not what the manipulative person wants to hear. So, people who are manipulative don’t like asking direct questions.
To avoid asking questions, manipulative people sometimes disguise questions as statements. This might sound like, “I’m wondering why you didn’t stop by yesterday,” “I wish you would do the laundry once in a while,” or “I suppose you’re not going to invite me.”
How to respond
Train your ear to recognize the difference between actual questions and statements. Only answer questions! Repeat the last few words of the statement back to the person in the form of a question. For example, if they say, “I suppose you’re too busy to help me clean out the garage next weekend,” your response can be, “Are you asking me to help you clean out your garage next weekend?” This will give you the opportunity to then say either yes or no.
Making a personal statement and pretending it’s someone else’s
Again, this tactic is an effort not to lose control in the conversation. By attributing a statement to someone else, the manipulative person can avoid taking responsibility for their opinion. For example, “Everyone thinks you should move closer to us,” or “They said you would be better off going to community college.”
How to respond
Ask, “Who is everyone?” or “Who is they?” You can also ask the manipulator to take responsibility for their own opinion by asking, “What do you think?” or “What is your point of view?”
The silent treatment
In order to remain in or regain control, manipulative people might stop talking to you entirely. This is likely an effort to see how long it is before you crack!
How to respond
Put the ball in the manipulator’s court by saying, “Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” and leave it at that. If you “crack” by begging them to talk to you or giving in to their demands, the manipulative person will use this tactic with you over and over again.
Dealing with manipulative people can be very tricky and draining. But if you stick to your boundaries and respond assertively to their tactics, your confidence in interacting with manipulative people will grow in no time.
Written by Jillian Meher, LPC
About Jillian:
As a counselor, Jillian helps people who feel overwhelmed and stuck find tools to help them live more meaningful and fulfilling lives. She has experience working with people being held back by eating disorders, depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, grief, self-harm, and difficult life transitions.