The Serenity Prayer Part 2 - Change

“God, grant me… the courage to change the things I can.” This is the second part of the Serenity Prayer, often attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr.

 Last week’s blog was about accepting the things we cannot change, and the peace of mind that comes from letting go of things outside our control.

This week, we are focusing on the things we can control. Step back and consider - what are the things you can control?

We can become so overwhelmed by items outside our control that at times, we forget to take responsibility for the things we can. Some items that we can control include – our attitude, our physical and mental health habits, our budgeting and financial decisions, and developing our skills in many areas (relationships, parenting, achieving goals, hobbies, career development). Sometimes it’s easy to see what changes need to be made and other times it is much more difficult. However, there is always room for growth and improvement in our lives!

Change is hard. There’s a reason why the Serenity Prayer asks God for courage to change. It can often be a scary and daunting thing. Change requires dedication, discomfort, consistency, and adaptability.

In the counseling field, we are all about growth! Each time a person makes the first phone call to set up an appointment and sets foot in the office, I am hopeful and excited, because they have taken a huge step toward change. They had the courage to recognize there are some areas of growth in their life and to move toward change. It was not easy. It will continue to not be easy. But it will be worth it. You owe it to yourself to experience the joy and freedom of change in painful areas of your life.

That being said, there are some common fears that can stop us from taking steps toward change. As we break them down, try to identify which fears may be holding you back and begin to consider how you can operate in courage today!

1.     Fear of failure.   

None of us want to look like a fool. Nobody wants to take a leap of faith only to fall on the hard ground. But there are few success stories that don’t have their fair share of failures woven throughout. Acclaimed basketball coach John Wooden said, “Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.”

 Courage-Building Tip:  

Utilize SMART Goals.

Many times, we find ourselves failing because the goals we set are too broad or vague. Have you ever said, “This is the year I am going to get healthy”? What does that mean? It is hard to achieve a goal you cannot define.

Build Courage by setting SMART goals. These goals are:

 Specific – What EXACTLY would you like to accomplish, and what steps need to be taken to get there?

Measurable – instead of “workout more”, a measurable goal would be “workout 3 days a week for 30 minutes at a time

Achievable – Goals need to be realistic. You likely cannot go from never even jogging to running a marathon within a month. An achievable goal is to start with brisk walking for the first few weeks.

Relevant – Why are you setting this goal? What is the big picture?

Time-Bound – give yourself a short-term limit. “By March of this year, I want to be working out 3 times a week for 30 minutes and drinking 6 cups of water each day.”

SMART goals facilitate change you can see. They give you the courage to continue working toward long-term change.

2.     Fear of discomfort.

We often know what we need to change, but it can be so much easier to stay inside our comfort zone. It is scary to think about doing something new and unknown.

Courage-building Tip:

Visualize Your Future

Let’s say your goal is to overcome anxiety.

If you did not change anything about your current habits or conditions, what would your life look like in a year? 5 years? 10? This can be a sobering thought.

Now imagine you took the necessary steps toward change. How different does your future look? How good might peace of mind feel? What impact would your courage have not only on you, but also your loved ones?

Change is uncomfortable! But when you consider how much more painful it may be to remain the same, you can find the courage.

3.     Fear of the unknown.

“If I decide to change my career, what if I dislike my new one just as much?”

“If I join a group to find community and friendships, what if I am rejected?”

“If I say yes to a good opportunity, what if a better one comes along, and I miss it?”

There are so many variables in life, and very few guarantees. Contemplating all the different options and possibilities can leave us paralyzed and feeling unable to take a step toward change.

Courage-building Tip:

Reframe Your Thinking.

Even though we have the ability to choose and to change, we still are not 100% in control of the outcomes. This is where the courage to change our outlook and attitude comes in!

There is always a possibility that things will go wrong. But there is just as much possibility things will go right! A couple of things that can help us feel more confident in our decisions are –

·      Making a pros and cons list. It’s a time-tested exercise that can help us visually see what will be good and bad about the change we are considering.

·      Reminding yourself that change isn’t final. If you choose to try something new and it doesn’t go as planned, you can try something different. You are adaptable and resilient!

·      Looking for the lesson in the difficulty. If you took a step towards building new friendships and it is not working, instead of getting discouraged or withdrawing, look for a lesson. Maybe there is something you need to change in your approach. Maybe you connect better with people in a different setting or demographic. Even when we fail, we can still choose to learn.

When it comes to change, where do you need more courage? Try implementing one of these courage-building tips today!

Written by: Natalie Ruiz, MA, LAC

About Natalie:

Natalie is passionate about helping young people discover their identity, process and heal from trauma, and overcome anxiety and depression. At a time in life where many things are changing, she loves to help young people become grounded within themselves and journey through these years with renewed confidence and peace of mind.