The Serenity Prayer Part 1 - Acceptance
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.” This is the first sentence of the well-known Serenity Prayer. This prayer is usually attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, but the origins are uncertain.
This prayer is often associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and is frequently quoted in meetings. For decades, those battling with addiction have found comfort in its simple but profound message.
The serenity prayer is applicable not only to those struggling with substance abuse, but to a vast audience in many different circumstances. Webster’s Dictionary defines serene as “marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude” or “clear and free of storms or unpleasant change.”
How many of us can say we need more “utter calm and quietude” in our lives? I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t like to be “clear and free of storms.”
While there are many things outside our control, the serenity prayer implies we can still find peace, and gives us a great map to help us find it!
Today we are going to discuss the first part of the prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
We all know someone we would classify as a certified “worry-wart” – that person who tends to see the worst in most situations and seems to have a running list of ways things could go wrong. Maybe we are that person!
All of us deal with worry or anxiety in one way or another. There are many reasons one person could be more prone to worry than another – personality differences, upbringing, traumatic experiences, mental health disorders, situational issues.
Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of worry, there is serenity available to you, and part of that comes from “accepting the things we cannot change.”
Today, we will focus on items outside our control. This may include things like a medical diagnosis, other people’s decisions, world events (war, inflation, climate change, famine, violence), changes at work, getting into a car accident, dying, being rejected, and many other occurrences.
Worry can cause us to lie awake at night wondering what could happen in these areas. This anxiety can make us feel like we are prisoners to the unknown and prohibit us from living a life of peace and freedom.
Anxiety can have long-term effects on our mental and physical health. A few of the negative physical outcomes of anxiety include:
· Respiratory issues
· Cardiovascular issues
· Weakened immune system
· Digestive problems
· Muscle tension and chronic pain
· Memory loss
· Weight gain
Chances are, if you have dealt with anxiety, you can relate to the feelings of panic and helplessness and some of these physical symptoms. While this may feel dismal, there is hope! And a great first step is cultivating the “serenity to accept the things we cannot change.”
As you consider the things outside your control, ask yourself, “How can I begin to accept these things?”
Here are a few things you can do work toward acceptance:
Think of what advice you would give to a friend.
Sometimes it helps to step outside yourself and ask what you might say to someone else in the same situation.
Example: To make it a little more light-hearted, what would you say to a friend who is constantly worried about rainy days? Does constantly fearing a downpour increase their odds of staying dry? Or does it just leave them shaking in their rain boots?
Repetition, repetition, repetition!
There is a reason the serenity prayer is often quoted at EVERY AA meeting. Our brains need repetition to solidify a new thought or idea in our minds. When anxiety arises, what is a phrase or two you can repeat to yourself that leans toward acceptance?
Example:
“This is outside my control, so I will not let it consume me.”
“Worrying about this thing will not change the outcome, so I will not invest my time and energy into it.”
Or simply, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
Find a phrase that resonates with you and repeat it to yourself when anxiety comes.Be Aware.
Most of us can identify specific things that tend to make us worry more than others. Being aware of your triggers help you prepare for them and have a plan to navigate the worry that wants to ensue.
Example: Your parents were over-protective of you, constantly warning you about the dangers of the world around you. Now you have kids of your own, and when they go out with friends, you tend to imagine all the possible dangers that could befall them.
Once you are aware that this is a pattern that sparks worry for you, you can be prepared to cope with it. Next time your child asks to go to a party with friends, the anxiety that arises won’t catch you by surprise. You can accept the worry that comes without being controlled by it. You can make a plan to prepare your child to be safe and responsible without imposing fear or dread into the situation.
(A great article that explains this more in depth can be found HERE)
4. Flip the script on your “What-ifs”.
Worry tends to make us great authors who can write a thousand different outcomes for a given situation. The majority of these mental outcomes usually trend toward disaster and worst-case scenarios. A helpful way to cope with these thoughts is to try to consider possible positive outcomes. Instead of “What if it all goes wrong?”, ask yourself “What if it all goes right?”.
Example: You need to have a difficult conversation with your boss about some workplace issues. Worry can give you mental images of explosive conflict, not being heard, misunderstandings, or even getting fired. Instead, try to imagine the conversation going great! Imagine you and your boss coming to an understanding. Picture a productive discussion that leads to desired change.
While no outcomes, positive or negative, are guaranteed, focusing on the positive will improve your mood, calm your mind, and actually propel you more toward a good result.
This week, focus on acceptance, and notice the new ways you experience peace.
Written by: Natalie Ruiz, MA, LAC
About Natalie:
Natalie is passionate about helping young people discover their identity, process and heal from trauma, and overcome anxiety and depression. At a time in life where many things are changing, she loves to help young people become grounded within themselves and journey through these years with renewed confidence and peace of mind.