The Impact of Family Dynamic on the Mental Health of Children
Humans experience trauma throughout life— some more than others, depending on their family dynamics, adverse experiences, and the environment around them.
Birth itself is a traumatic experience for every living being. It is the process where the baby begins separating from what they might see as a warm and safe place to enter a cold and scary world. As soon as the baby comes out of its mother's womb, they eject a subtle cry to catch air, start breathing on their own, and express fear. They are no longer in their mother's womb, that safe place they once knew. And even though they are not able to experience physical pain in the womb, their interconnection with their mother's feelings and emotions allows them to experience the outside world through her.
Parents are responsible for providing the safe environment their children need. In safety, they can see the world from a different perspective and not as unsafe and scary. However, even when parents provide this physical and emotional stability, life has challenges.
Children can experience unavoidable and unprovoked difficult situations, whether family turmoil or emotional distress. Either one takes a toll on them. These negative events are called Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
Some examples are: being a victim of violence, experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, or being a child who is neglected at home. Other examples of ACEs are children witnessing violence in the home, family members experiencing mental health problems or committing suicide, substance abuse, and children with divorced or incarcerated parents.
Adverse childhood experiences can predict future mental health problems in the child. In addition, ACEs play a role in children's risky behaviors, injury, the transmission of infectious diseases, and poor life choices. Moreover, adverse childhood experiences increase the risk of depression, anxiety, suicide, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
What can parents do?
Life challenges and adverse experiences can be unpredictable. However, parents can reduce or even avoid mental health issues in their children by:
1. Providing a stable home.
2. Ensuring your children understand social norms.
3. Equipping them with the necessary skills to tackle difficult emotions when they surface.
Nonetheless, it is essential to understand that mental health disorders can run like other illnesses and diseases in your family. This risk increases even more if both parents have a mental health disorder. They can be passed down from parent to child, and professional help is needed to learn how to cope and gain control of the condition. However, keep in mind that what affects the child is not the parent’s mental health condition but the behavior resulting from the mental health disorder.
Parents who struggle with their mental health can create a hostile environment where the child feels constantly threatened or unsafe. As a result, the child will adjust to the hostile environment while seeking coping strategies to soothe their uncomfortableness. Many times, these coping mechanisms are not healthy or beneficial to the child. For example, the use of drugs and alcohol or looking for sex or pleasure to alleviate the emotional turmoil and escape the chaotic environment they live in at home.
Finally, parents can be at a crossroads when raising children. You never want to be guilty of under-parenting and neglecting your children. However, you'll also want to avoid over-parenting. Overprotecting your children will limit their opportunities to learn how to deal with anxiety-provoking situations, handle stress and confront life challenges. A child unable to properly handle stressful situations can experience detrimental mental health and have weak emotional health as an adult.
Overly permissive parents can influence their children to believe they can experience life without boundaries. On the other hand, hypercritical parents can dampen their children's self-esteem and lead to anxiety and depression. Moreover, it can affect the child's emotional growth, the way they view themselves, and their self-value and self-worth.
There isn't a perfect parenting style or a way of parenting that will guarantee your children's future mental and emotional health. Every child is different and needs their parents to learn how to juggle their uniqueness. Regardless of how you parent, this isn't a blame game. It's a learning journey that takes hard work, sleepless nights, and lots of love.
Written by: Nicauris Ubiera, MA, LAC
About Nicauris:
Nicauris likes working with children, adolescents and any individual who is dealing with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, gender identity issues and anger management. She also works with families and parents providing tools and communication skills to help the parent understand and help their child cope with the difficult stage they might be going through.