How the Mirror Neurons in Your Brain Can Help You Connect More With Others
I was outside by my oak tree when an acorn pinged me in the head. I cringed and rubbed my head. It hurt!
A neighbor saw what happened to me as she was walking her dog. She also cringed and said ouch. She understood the pain I felt, even though she didn’t experience it herself. She was empathetic to my pain, as if it had happened to her.
Her automatic response was a great example of the mirror neuron in action. This neuron “mirrors” actions of others as if we ourselves are doing the action. The more familiar we are with the action, the more we will feel the effects.
Our mirror neurons are nerve cells in the brain with a unique function. Typically, most of our neurons fire when we do an action.
But the mirror neuron is different. It fires when we see someone else do an action. But there’s a catch: The mirror neuron also helps us interpret the action and the intent behind it.
This can help us, but it can hinder us, too.
The mirror neuron can help us understand and feel empathy for what the other person is experiencing. But it can also lead us to wrong conclusions and unhelpful responses if we’re not careful.
How our mirror neurons help us
Most of our communication is not from our words but our body language. The more familiar we are with facial expressions, hand gestures, body postures, the quicker we will interpret them in our communications.
Notice when you smile when around other people, they start to smile. Same is true for other facial expressions. If I talk with someone and start to feel upset or anxious, often they also start to get upset or anxious.
Knowing this can be very helpful, for instance, when your child is upset. If you remain calm, your child will start to calm down. If you are agitated, then both you and your child will remain agitated longer than needed.
When we see someone’s emotional reaction, we feel a similar reaction. If we haven’t experienced the action or emotions previously, we have a harder time “mirroring” it.
Mirror neurons help in our observations of others and our connection with others. It helps find common ground. Ideally, we find we are more alike than not. The mirror neuron also helps us learn and grow and feel closeness with our families, colleagues, and friends. By mirroring others, our brains can help us feel part of the group or team.
What to do with our mirror neuron
We are built to empathize with other people.
But we have to be careful, too. We need to keep in mind the other person’s feelings are theirs and unique to themselves. Without realizing it, the mirror neuron can misinterpret what’s happening, and we can project our feelings onto people. In other words, we may not always be accurate in our interpretation of what’s happening.
When the mirror neuron helps us interpret another's feelings, we are essentially projecting our experience onto them. We feel if we were in that person’s place, and we experience what we would feel if we were in their shoes. Since our feelings may not what the other person is feeling, we want to be sure to clarify and make the effort to understand what the other person is actually doing and experiencing.
With that in mind, here are a few things you can start doing today now that you know a little more about how your brain works:
If people are upset around you, stay calm and watch them start to calm down.
Understand what you think someone is feeling may not be completely accurate. It’s how you would feel in a similar situation.
When your mirror neurons are at work, ask questions. Don’t assume.
Smile more and others will smile.
Be more sensitive to our common human experiences, actions, and emotions.
Our desire as humans is to connect, belong, and be understood. Our brains are built to help us do that.
As we are aware of our actions, and how we experience other’s actions, our mirror neurons help us to connect and understand.
And that’s a beautiful thing.
Written by Cindy Picht, LPC, CEO
About Cindy:
Cindy is director and co-founder of Light the Way Counseling. She is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and a Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional. She combines her skills with compassion and encouragement to help people find hope and healing.