Negative Self-Talk and Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming Negative Self-Thoughts to Reduce Anxiety
“I’m a complete failure”
This is an example of a negative self-thought which can affect anxiety. There are different reasons for becoming anxious; one of which is related to the way we think and perceive a situation.
We are often not aware of some of the instant thoughts that pop into our heads and there are several types of them. They can not only make us anxious, but they affect our outlook on life as well.
Almost everyone thinks in one or two of these ways at different times. They are called distorted cognitions:
1 - Catastrophizing is when you predict a negative future without considering any alternatives.
An example of this might be: “I have a lump on my skin; it must be cancer”.
2 - Magnifying the negative qualities of yourself or others and minimizing the positive qualities.
An example of this might be: “I’m always being invited to parties, but I never have anything interesting to say”.
3 - Completely disqualifying any positive experiences or qualities.
An example of this might be: “I got a high grade on my test, but it can’t possibly be right; the person grading the test must have made mistakes”.
4 - Reasoning with our emotions.
An example of this might be: “I’m sure she doesn’t like me. I just feel it in my gut”.
5 - All-or-nothing thinking -not considering the gray-in-between – or any other options.
An example of this might be: “After the first date, he never called me back. I’ll never meet someone special”.
These are just a few of the types of automatic negative thoughts, or cognitive distortions, that can pop into our minds, that can cause anxiety. The first step is to realize that you’re having these types of automatic thoughts.
The problem with these types of thinking is that our brain discerns our situation based partly on our thoughts and perception and therefore reacts to the situation based on how we think about it. If we are viewing a situation in a negative way, our brain may interpret this as a threat. The amygdala, which is the part of our brain in the limbic system whose purpose is to protect us, will react to a potential threat by either urging us to flee from the threat, fight it, or freeze. Cortisol rushes through our body which raises our anxiety for the purpose of giving us the energy needed to deal with the threat.
However, when we are in a “relaxed muscle body”, according to Dr. Gentry and Dr. Rhoton, who have extensive experience treating trauma, we do not experience anxiety. One way to calm our amygdala is to take several deep breaths, preferably from the diaphragm.
You can also do a quick body scan, to see where you are holding tension in your muscles and gradually relax those muscles to release the tension. Dr. Gentry and Dr. Rhoton suggest ‘becoming a wet noodle’ and completely relax your body and release any tension you may be feeling. Then, identify the specific type of thinking that you are using. (Gentry, J. E., Baranowsky, A. B., & Rhoton, R. (2017).
The real work is in learning to change these patterns of thinking and practicing these techniques:
a.When a negative thought pops into your head, you can stop and question its validity.
b. You can ask yourself, ‘what evidence do I have that makes that thought true? Do I have all the facts?
c.What exactly is it about this situation that is making me feel anxious?
d.Stop and quietly do some deep breathing or a quick body scan to release the tension.
e.Focus on being in the present moment – many of these cognitive distortions have to do with possible future events that may not happen at all.
f.Be kind to yourself, showing yourself compassion and understanding, the way you would a friend. Give yourself a hug.
g.Consider three things that you are grateful for (or more).
h.Smile. A genuine smile that makes-your-eyes-twinkle-kind of smile.
A study done by University of Kansas psychologists, has shown that the act of smiling will “…release chemicals in your brain to lower the cortisol levels (which causes anxiety), relax your muscles, slow the heartbeat, and ease tension” (Stromberg, J. 2012).
I encourage you to give careful thought to the way you are thinking so you can enjoy feeling more relaxed. Every counselor on our team is fully equipped to help you overcome these cognitive distortions.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us - freedom and relief are available!
We will be exploring these and other types of negative automatic thoughts in more detail in future blogs.
Gentry, J. E., Baranowsky, A. B., & Rhoton, R. (2017). Trauma competency: An active
ingredients approach to treating posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Counseling &
Development, 95(3), 279–287. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcad.12142
Simply Smiling Can Actually Reduce Stress | Smithsonian (smithsonianmag.com)
About Tamara O’Shea, MAT, LAMFT
Helping individuals and couples feel whole and connected to those they love. Tamara is available in Midland Park, Bloomfield, and telehealth