Parenting is Heart Work
When we decided to bring children into the world, we did not receive an instruction manual. We had no guidebook to teach us how to care for and raise that child or how to face the challenges parenthood entails. As parents, we are called to provide for all our children’s basic needs, even those needs that are not visible to the naked eye.
No one taught us that difficult times of crying and despair would knock on our doors. No one prepared us for when that child wanted to spread his wings—unaware of the dangers of adolescence. We didn’t know that often our kids may not remember our sleepless nights teaching them life lessons.
Raising children is heart work, where each child has their own identity, likes, and unique design! We as parents must learn to know and maneuver every child we have. Each child comes with virtues, talents, character, and personality that influences their behavior.
As parents, we must understand that raising children is also teamwork. We need our Heavenly Father's help. He is our refuge, our guidance, and our strength. He shows us what is in our children's hearts and helps us to understand the root and motive of our children's actions. As a Good Father, He teaches us to love, care for, and discipline our children as He does with us. God teaches us to show mercy when our children make mistakes and when they disappoint us.
Parenting is heart work. It is hard work that never ends, perfected by the years of experience and through the juggling of the ups and downs. It has its moments of failure, where many things will go wrong along the way, but one day all your hard work will be rewarded.
Here are some tips to help us navigate the hard heart work of parenting:
Let your children go and let them fail. They will face struggles in life. As they fall, they will navigate through life choices and learn based on their consequences and experiences.
Allowing your children to experience failure helps them understand it's okay to fail. We are not perfect. Moreover, it can enable them to seek God for help and wisdom and help them grow while finding solutions to their problems. Help them fail without giving up.
Admit when you are wrong. Children need their parents to be honest and transparent and accept when they are wrong. As we learn to raise our children, we will also make mistakes.
Acknowledge your mistakes. It allows your children to see you are not perfect and that you make mistakes just like they do. It teaches them accountability and responsibility for their actions.
Embrace your child's gifts, talents, and dreams. As parents, we have dreams and goals for our children to accomplish. However, we need to support and help them achieve their goals, fulfill their calling and purpose in life, and not follow what we, as parents, want them to achieve.
Parents sometimes try to live their unaccomplished dreams through their children, forgetting that our children have their own abilities, talents and dreams. Don't live your dreams and aspirations through your child. Accept them as they are and embrace what God has deposited in them. Nourish their purpose in life and help them find meaning in everything they do. They need your unconditional acceptance.
Lead by example. Don't force a Christian character. Children learn from what they see more than what they hear. They will learn from their parents and caregivers how to face challenges, explore life, make decisions, and, most importantly, imitate their parents' relationship with God. Your relationship with God can influence your children's relationship with God.
Parents need to lead by example, modeling a Christian character in everything they do more than forcing their children to follow what the Bible says. When parents have a genuine relationship with God, this can help their children get closer to God. When parents force their children to obey what the Bible says more than developing a relationship with their Heavenly Father, the child can feel spiritually disconnected and go apart from God as they grow into adulthood.
Show your children what emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health looks like. It will benefit your family. It can teach your child to love, value, and care for themselves. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot teach your children what you don't implement in your own life. They will listen to your advice, but they will imitate what they see in you.
Challenge your Kids. Let your children work through challenges and allow them to solve their problems independently. Help them build a character of perseverance and creative thinking. Challenge their skills and abilities and let them face their fears.
Your children need your time, attention, and physical love. Be intentional in everything you do. Plan outings or time together as a family and set time apart individually for every child. They need your time like they need air to breathe.
Put aside daily chores to intentionally listen to their heart and hear what they have to say. These actions will teach your child that they are valuable and worthy of your time and attention. Snuggle and kiss your child.
They need regular reassurance of love in a very tangible way. Your children need to be touched, kissed, hugged, or even a shoulder bump with your growing teen. Rub their hair and remind them how much you love them. Say “I love you” as many times as you can repeat it in a day. Children receive, show, and need love in different ways. Discover your child's love language and fill their love tank.
Always keep them in your prayers. “Children are a heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward" - Psalms 127:3-5. Our children are our greatest treasures, and we need to take good care of them. We not only provide for all their physical needs but also fulfill their spiritual needs.
Pray for their minds and souls as you pray for their physical and emotional health. Lift your children up in prayer and present their needs to the Lord. He will guide your heart, give you wisdom, and provide solutions when confronted with the vicissitudes of parenthood. God will equip you with tools to confront any situation your child might be facing. Trust Him with your children. He is a good parent, and so are you.
Parenting is heart-work. Although it is one of the most challenging jobs a person can ever have, it is also the most rewarding job anyone could have. It is an endless learning journey of loving, failing, falling, crying, laughing, and playing.
Overflow your children with mercy when they make mistakes and learn from past experiences together. Show them they can always run to God to be restored when broken or face disappointment.
Lastly, as a parent, look to God for guidance and wisdom and allow Him to give you strength when things don't go your way. He is the one who holds you when you fall and the one who keeps your child safe when your hands can’t reach them where they go.
Written by: Nicauris Ubiera, MA, LAC
About Nicauris:
Nicauris likes working with children, adolescents and any individual who is dealing with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, gender identity issues and anger management. She also works with families and parents providing tools and communication skills to help the parent understand and help their child cope with the difficult stage they might be going through.