We All Experience Loss. We all Need to Grieve.

What is loss and why does it matter?

Loss is a natural part of life. We  normally think of loss happening when something bad happens, but loss can occur when wonderful things happen, too.

For example, take a couple having their first child.  The loss they experience is it’s no longer just the two of them. They no longer can be spontaneous, sleep through the night, or linger in getting up on a Saturday morning. A child is a beautiful, precious being who brings joy to their lives… and an entirely different lifestyle. Sleepless nights, more routines, extra planning, and change of friends are a few changes they’ll experience. 

Some losses are obviously painful. A loss of a job. A loss of a loved one by death, dementia, or distance. A loss of expectations, hopes, and dreams. We may not be as aware of the non-tangible losses, such as hopes and dreams, but they are real and painful. Being aware of the losses we experience will help us grieve and heal.

Our depth of grieving depends on the deepness of our loss. Grief is a natural, emotional response to loss. We feel sad. To heal from a loss, we need to grieve, to feel sad. We associate grieving only when someone dies. It certainly is, and we feel our sorrow deeply. But grief, the process of grieving, can occur with any type of loss:

·       For a child, a need to grieve may be over their ice cream cone dropping to the ground. 

·       For a teenager, a major loss may be their first girl/boyfriend breaking up with them or no longer being part of the group of friends they knew all their lives. 

·       For a college student, a deep loss may be graduating, facing adulthood and no longer having their friends with them every day. 

·       As an adult, we face many losses-jobs, moving away from relatives, grandparents and parents dying, our children growing up.

Grief is a natural response to a loss. We need to grieve to heal. A child cries when their favorite food drops to the floor and the dog eats it. Allow them time to cry. 

The teenager that is no longer liked by their group suffers a major loss. They need to grieve. Allow them time to cry, talk about it, be upset. That’s the process of grieving. As much as a parent can’t stand to see their child upset, the child needs to process it at their level.

The adult who is going through a divorce, a death of a loved one, a tragedy or a trauma, also needs to grieve. Grieving takes time. The deeper the loss, the longer the grieving may take.

When we don’t have an emotional response to the loss, or feel sorrow to the level of the loss, then we haven’t grieved. If we stuff down our grief, it will only come back later, bigger and more painfully at the next loss.

It is okay to feel the pain of a loss. It is okay to cry over a loss. It is okay, and necessary, to grieve.

How do you start?  

The first tip you can start doing today is to be aware of your losses. Any change brings about a loss of something or someone. 

The second tip for today is when you experience a loss, even a small one, check in with yourself to see how you feel. Don’t dismiss it with, “it’s not a big deal”. Allow yourself to feel sad. 

Remember, we all grieve and need to grieve. It’s a natural response to loss. 

Written by: Cindy Picht, LPC, CEO