When Life Feels Out of Control: Finding Peace in the Middle of Anxiety
We all experience anxiety at times, but what can we do about it?
Understanding anxiety and what is causing us to feel anxious is important to getting a handle on it. Anxiety is rooted in fear. A few examples include fear of current conditions, fear of the future, and fear of “what-if “scenarios. The question to ask yourself is, “What am I feeling anxious about?” Anxiety can be rooted in a desire to control a situation that seems out of control or something that is beyond our ability to control. Is it reasonable to expect yourself to control a situation that is not controllable? In other words, if something is not under your control, should you be anxious about it?
Consider what Jesus said about anxiety:
“So, don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:31-34 NLT)
In the examples Jesus gives us in these verses, food, water, and clothing are among the basic necessities of life according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. But Jesus tells us not to worry about them because God will provide them for us. Of course, if we’re able to work to provide for ourselves and our families, we can become self-sufficient, but then we worry about losing our jobs or about what will happen if we do.
I was laid off in 2009 from my job as a telecom engineer. I had no idea how long it would take to find a new job. I worked hard for more than a year, sending out resumes and contacting prospective employers, but no interviews were coming my way. Was I anxious? You bet I was! But I kept praying. I kept sending out resumes. I kept doing what I needed to do to make ends meet. It wasn’t easy, but now I look back on that time as one of the best times of my life because my situation drew me closer to God. I became comfortable with my circumstances, as uncomfortable as they were, because I knew God would take care of my family and me no matter what.
When dealing with anxiety, it’s helpful to have a few tools to ground yourself so that you can think clearly.
First, deep breathing is a great tool to release anxiety from your body.
Look up Four Square Breathing on YouTube and practice deep breathing for as long as necessary to calm down.
Another great tool is the One Minute Pause app (available for Apple and Android devices), which includes deep breathing and prayer for one-, three-, five-, and ten-minute pauses. Use the app depending on how much time you have to soak in God’s presence.
Also, I am a firm believer in using declarations in the form of positive “I am” statements. I frequently use Romans 8 as a source of these positive declarations, but you can use any Scripture to create your own “I am” statements. For example, Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” You can change this verse to the following declaration: “I am strong because Jesus gives me His strength!”
There are also some practical things you can do, like creating time for self-care in your daily routine. Have lunch in your car. Go to a park and walk around in nature. Go to the gym.
The point is to step away from whatever situation is causing you to feel anxious so that you can remember that the anxiety doesn’t have to be all-encompassing.
Don’t let anxiety take over; instead, master it by using these tools and recognizing that the situation will pass.
Finally, focus on being the person God created you to be in the midst of whatever circumstances are making you feel anxious. Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself; instead, be focused on God, knowing that He created you to be calm and peaceful in that situation.
Robert Kaphan, MA, LAMFT
Robert has experience helping adults, adolescents, couples, and families, find clarity and meaning. He helps people process their present difficulties in light of the past and how past experiences have impacted them.