Parenting Across the Ages: Tips for Nurturing Toddlers To Teens

Navigating the world of parenting can be challenging, especially when you're balancing the needs of a soon-to-be 4-year-old and a 17-year-old entering his senior year of high school. My Amazon deliveries are of toddler toys and pimple patches. I go from singing some silly song to get my toddlers attention to flickering the lights so my teen can take his headphones off to get his attention. While it may seem like these stages are vastly different, they share common threads. I feel fortunate to apply the lessons I've learned with my firstborn to this new chapter. Here are some tips that have been invaluable over the years and will undoubtedly serve me well again.

Tip #1: Avoid The Comparison Trap:

It's easy to fall into the habit of comparing our children with others and our parenting styles with those of other parents. I regret some of the choices I made in my son's early years because I was overly concerned with others' opinions. One major issue was screen time. I was constantly trying to get my son interested in extracurricular activities instead of his computer. I compared him to other kids and myself to other parents, which only led to disappointment and discontentment. So, if one thing is not working it means that we need to switch it up and do something different.

Tip #2: Give Frequent Compliments:

Children thrive when they feel appreciated. It makes sense, we do better when we feel better and when we are TREATED better. Criticizing my son's screen time habits made him feel bad about enjoying something I didn't like. I realized I needed to shift from criticism, threatening, and nagging to encouragement and compliments. Look for positive behaviors, for moments that he was responsible, cleaned something up, or was kind to a friend. It doesn’t have to be something big, start small, and acknowledge them. Simple compliments like "Thanks for going to school every day" can have a significant impact. This practice not only boosts your child's self-esteem but also fosters a more positive and patient parenting experience. As a parent I felt fonder of my child, more patient and I did not feel the need to compare him because he was ‘perfect’ for me.

Tip #3: Relax:

Not every issue is a big deal. I learned to stop magnifying every little behavior and small mistakes as a reflection of my son's future. This helped me correct behavior appropriately and take the weight of his future off my shoulders. Enjoy the present, savor the here and now. You can do this by incorporating humor into everyday tasks. Many studies have proven that humor is good for our mental health because it helps reduce stress, relaxes our minds, relieves tension and in the long term it can boost our immune system. A healthy way to increase humor in the home is to set some limits on what is allowed to be laughed at. Some rules could be that humor is not at the expense of another person, so we do not poke at or make fun of someone else, their looks, their personality, or their intellect. The goal is to create a safe relaxing environment.

Tip #4: Utilize Collaboration and Joint Problem Solving:

Many parents fear losing control when involving teens in decision-making. However, it's an essential step in transferring responsibility from parent to child, it’s like “passing of the baton of decision making”. Eventually our teenagers will need to make decisions on their own without our influence. While we have them with us and we allow are teens to use collaboration and joint problem solving, we are teaching them the skills they need to make decisions. This allows us to set boundaries for collaboration and problem-solving, allowing teens to make decisions within these limits and our protection. This approach teaches responsibility, ownership, and the consequences of actions, preparing them for future independence. Encourage your teen to help solve household problems and give them space to address their own issues. This motivates cooperation and fosters a sense of empowerment and independence.

In conclusion, navigating the parenting journey with both a toddler and a teenager is a unique and rewarding experience. There are so many more tips I can put but for now we’ll start with these four to create a nurturing and supportive environment for your children. These strategies not only help in building a strong bond with your children but also prepare them for future independence and success.

Embrace the lessons learned and enjoy the beautiful, chaotic, and fulfilling adventure of parenting.

About Erica Realpe, MA LMFT

Helping individuals, couples, and families heal and create better relationships. Erica is available in Midland Park and telehealth. Sessions are available in English and Spanish.