Back to School Scaries: How Parents Can Help Kids Cope
It’s that time of year again. Parents are often relieved to return to a routine with consistent coverage for their kids, and some children are eager to reunite with friends. However, not everyone shares this enthusiasm. Both parents and children can experience the "Back to School Scaries."
What Are the Back to School Scaries?
The "Back to School Scaries" refer to the apprehensions, fears, and anxieties that arise when returning to school after a break. Similar to the "Sunday Scaries" some experience before the workweek. Children may express reluctance about returning to school. They might whine, complain, or come up with excuses to stay home and continue enjoying the "Summer Life." As the school year approaches, some children may even complain of stomachaches. These feelings might manifest as defiance, tantrums, whining, increased conflicts with siblings or peers, or physical illness.
Why Don’t They Want to Go Back?
Sometimes, the reason is simple: the summer was just too much fun, and they don’t want it to end. Parents can relate to enjoying a slower pace and not being bossed around by the clock. Other times, it's the fear of the unknown—wondering who their teacher will be, what friends they’ll have, or recalling a negative experience from the previous year, like bullying or academic struggles. Whatever the reason, their feelings are valid.
What Can Parents and Caregivers Do?
Validate and Listen: Don’t dismiss their concerns or try to convince them it’s not a big deal. To them, it’s very real. When you validate their feelings, you help them feel seen and can guide them into problem-solving mode.
Problem-Solve: Ask them what they need and plan for how they’ll cope if they feel scared or anxious. Give them alternative thoughts to focus on, strategies to self-soothe, and identify who they can go to at school if they feel overwhelmed.
Encourage Them: Remind them of a time when they felt a similar way and came through it okay. Share your own experiences of overcoming fear and emphasize that these feelings are temporary. The first few days might be uncomfortable, but once they settle into a routine, meet new people, and problem-solve, they’ll likely feel better.
Practice: Have a practice run of the morning routine. Plan out outfits and lunches, and visit the school to reacquaint them with the environment.
Navigating back to school after a long break can be both challenging and exciting for everyone. Every milestone brings mixed emotions—that’s what growing pains feel like. As parents, we can help our children transition as smoothly as possible. Not every child is the same, and some complications may arise, but we’re here to come along side you and support you on your journey of parenthood.
Sharing is caring: Know other parents on this journey with you and would benefit from this blog? Share this blog with them to ease their back-to-school scaries with their kids as well.
About Erica Realpe, MA LMFT
Helping individuals, couples, and families heal and create better relationships. Erica is available in Midland Park and telehealth. Sessions are available in English and Spanish.