Learning to Cope: How Dialectical Therapy Can Help

Learning to Cope: How Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Can Help

Life is filled with challenges—big and small—that can stir up complicated emotions and strain relationships. If you’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, mood, or personality disorders, these challenges can feel even more overwhelming. In these moments, our instinct may be to either fight the battles raging in our minds or, worse, to surrender to the weight of distressing emotions.

But what if there’s a different way to approach these tough emotions? It’s natural to want to fight off discomfort, avoid difficult situations, and seek comfort. But what if we could learn to accept these challenges and embrace the present moment for what it truly is?

Enter Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).

Originally developed in the 1980s by psychologist Marsha Linehan, DBT was created to help individuals who struggled with intense emotions and had difficulty coping during life’s most challenging times. Over the years, DBT has proven to be effective for a much broader range of people and is now recognized for its ability to help individuals build a healthier mindset for navigating life’s challenges.

The Core Components of DBT

DBT is based on a combination of mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness skills. Here’s how each of these foundational aspects can help you develop a more balanced approach to life's ups and downs:

• Mindfulness

When we’re anxious, our thoughts often race into the future. When we’re depressed, they linger in the past. Mindfulness helps us shift our focus back to the present moment. By practicing mindfulness, we can experience life as it unfolds, reducing the intensity of overwhelming emotions. A key mindfulness practice is simply naming and acknowledging your current feelings. This small act of awareness creates space between you and your emotions, allowing you to manage them with greater ease.

• Distress Tolerance

When we face uncomfortable emotions, it’s tempting to avoid or escape them. But one of the keys to coping effectively is building your distress tolerance. Instead of relying on harmful coping mechanisms, DBT offers strategies to help you handle tough emotions in a healthier way. Try these techniques:

●      T: Temperature – Splash cold water on your face to reset your system.

●      I: Intense Exercise – Engage in a burst of physical activity to release built-up tension.

●      P: Paced Breathing – Breathe slowly and deeply, focusing on controlled inhales and exhales.

●      P: Paired Muscle Relaxation – Tense and then relax muscle groups to release physical tension.

• Emotional Regulation

Our emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but learning to regulate them helps us regain control. The first step in emotional regulation is to recognize and label your emotions. From there, you can work on reframing them and observing your judgments about what you’re feeling. By strengthening these skills, you can respond to emotions with greater awareness and create more constructive outcomes.

• Interpersonal Effectiveness

Often, conflict in relationships arises because we lack the skills to communicate effectively or set healthy boundaries. DBT helps you develop these essential skills, improving your ability to assert your needs while respecting others. Learning to navigate difficult conversations and relationships with balance fosters healthier, more satisfying connections.

When we learn to ride the waves of life instead of fighting against them, we create more space for peace, calm, and resolution. This shift begins with how we approach and respond to challenging emotions—and the judgments we place on them. By embracing DBT and developing these key skills, you can navigate life’s toughest challenges with greater ease, balance, and confidence.

Christina Han, MA, LMFT

Helping individuals, families, and teens overcome life’s challenges and find healing. Christina is in Midland Park, Fort Lee, and telehealth. Sessions are available in English and Korean.