Back to the Garden: God’s Design for Marriage
One can only imagine what married life was like for Adam and Eve. We know they were “naked, and unashamed,” with no hang-ups about flawed bodies—a good start! But was there ever a cross word, an offensive action, or even a twinge of jealousy between them? Did they enjoy each other’s company 24/7? We know God’s creation was declared “good” by the Creator, and no doubt, the first marriage was imminently satisfying.
Of course, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and were promptly cast out of the Garden, never to return. Life became difficult. Work was hard, childbearing painful, and the easy relationship they once knew became a struggle. Yet, God’s design for marriage did not change. His command to “be fruitful and multiply” remained.
This command certainly included childbearing, but the analogy of being fruitful involves much more. Our minds quickly go to the fruit of the Spirit, which includes crucial marriage virtues such as love, patience, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. Even in their fallen state, Adam and Eve could still experience the fruitfulness of marriage, including an enjoyment of their relationship. God didn’t leave them without the resources to do so. But the work would be hard. There was no going back to Eden.
Perhaps a better garden analogy of God’s design for marriage is found in the parable of the Sower and the Seed (Matt 13:3-9). In this story, the farmer walks through his fields, spreading seed as he goes. He soon discovers that fruitfulness only results when care is given to sow the seed in well-prepared soil and to attend to the delicate seedlings as they grow. We read that “some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it.” This seed represents behaviors that are “marriage breakers” and lead to failed marriages or those devoid of vitality. There are countless ways we can hurt each other in marriage. One therapist calls these behaviors “love busters.” A marriage dominated by “love busters” will never be fruitful.
Other seed “fell on rocky soil…sprang up quickly but were scorched by the sun and withered, because they had no root.” This seed represents a marriage that lacks depth, purpose, and meaning. These couples become overwhelmed when life’s stresses and disappointments beat down upon them. While no one can avoid the “hot sun” of life, those who are well-married find solace and strength with each other amid the struggle. They also find purpose in their marriage that survives tough times.
Other seed “fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.” Any casual gardener knows that weeds are a constant nemesis, sapping vital water and nutrients from the plants. A marriage overwhelmed by “weeds and thorns” is one neglected by the pressures and busyness of life. It may also be weighed down by what one therapist calls “perpetual problems”—incompatibilities that all marriages experience. Couples who are well-married manage these differences well, while others allow them to “choke out” the joys of married life.
Lastly, some seed “fell on good ground, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.” This represents a marriage living out God’s original command to Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful.” In addition to being strongly rooted with purpose and meaning, and free from the thorns of incompatibility, this marriage experiences the regular practice of shared loving acts, one toward the other. This creates a positive loop of constant initiation and reciprocation. No one is keeping score, but the marriage is clearly winning!
In our next post, we will explore the four types of soil described in Matthew 13 in more detail and develop each one to discover practical ways to grow a truly fruitful marriage.
Take a moment to reflect on the "soil" of your marriage. Are there areas where your relationship is thriving or where it's struggling? Consider what steps you can take to nurture and cultivate your relationship, whether it's through deeper connection, shared acts of love, or addressing the weeds and rocks that may have taken root. If you're looking for practical ways to grow a more fruitful marriage, stay tuned for our next post, where we’ll dive deeper into how to enrich your relationship and make it stronger.
In the meantime, share your thoughts in the comments below—how do you cultivate fruitfulness in your marriage?
Stephen Dorsey, MA, LMFT
Helping couples rekindle the love that brought them together in the first place. Stephen is available in Midland Park and telehealth.